Connect with Daniel Goleman - It’s Modes, Not Personality Traits

 

It’s Modes, Not Personality Traits

Here is a little from his blog that might entice you into his blog on a regular basis...

I know a woman who at work seems emotionally reactive, needy and dependent – everyone says, “That’s just her personality.”

But then when she was part of a group touring the labyrinths of Europe, a friend from her workplace who also went reported – a bit shocked – that the woman was nothing like her usual self. She took initiative and explored strange cities on her own, was emotionally stable, and fun to be with.

All of us are different people in different situations, or with varied groups, or from time to time, and at various stages of our lives. The old personality model, that we have fixed traits that stay with us throughout our lives, doesn’t do justice to how flexible our behavior can be.

Traits have long been used to pigeonhole people in the workplace, for everything from hiring to placing people in the “right” job.

But today brain science tells us our brains are “plastic” – they can change with the right development experience – and they are far more elastic than the trait idea gives credit to.

‘Modes’ are a new concept that lets us understand how and why we actually are diverse people at various times. A mode orchestrates our entire way of being: how we perceive and interpret the world, how we react – our thoughts, feelings, actions and interactions.

For example, there’s the avoidant mode, where we try to distance ourselves from feelings and people; the anxious mode, where we over-worry our relationships – and the secure mode, where we can take in emotions with calm, feel secure in ourselves and are able to take smart risks, and can focus in ways that help us be at our best.

The liberating effect of thinking about modes rather than “personality types” is that modes come and go. We can learn what triggers our modes, what makes some self-defeating ones so sticky, and what can help us loosen their grip and get into the best modes for top performance.

Modes and how they work for or against us is the topic of Tara Bennett-Goleman’s new book, Mind Whispering: A New Map to Freedom from Self-Defeating Emotional Habits. The mode concept builds on a recent proposal by the founder of cognitive therapy, Dr. Aaron Beck, who suggested that what we call depression or anxiety disorders are modes that can change for the better.

Seeing someone else – or ourselves – through the lens of a label like “depressed” or “introvert” can have a subtle negative impact, suggesting a permanence that modes belie. The mode idea builds around what we can do to release the grip of our dysfunctional modes and build a wider set of emotions.


Emotional Intelligence author, Daniel Goleman lectures frequently to business audiences, professional groups and on college campuses. A psychologist who for many years reported on the brain and behavioral sciences for The New York Times, Dr. Goleman previously was a visiting faculty member at Harvard.

Dr. Goleman’s most recent books are The Brain and Emotional Intelligence: New Insights and Leadership: The Power of Emotional Intelligence – Selected Writings. (More Than Sound). Goleman’s latest project, Leadership: A Master Class, is his first-ever comprehensive video series that examines the best practices of top-performing executives.



 If you are hooked now, here is a direct link to another of his blogs!!

The Development of an Ethical Mind
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In Howard Gardner’s book, Five Minds for the Future, he talks about the disciplined mind, the synthesizing mind, the creating mind, the respectful mind, and the ethical mind. Without...
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Trying Something new for 30 Days

I have been inspired by Matt Cutts http://www.ted.com after watching his TED talk on trying something new for 30 days, he says, “30 days is about the right time to add or subtract something from your life.”  I have heard that if you are going to try something new then 30 days is long enough for it to become a habit. Matt describes some of the things he did, which included; biking to work and hiking up Mt Kilimanjaro, with these challenges his confidence grew. He said,  ‘the days became more memorable’ and in one of his self set challenges which required him  taking a photo every day he remembered exactly what he was doing on each of those days.
With this inspiring short talk (it is only 3.5 minutes long) I had heard enough to try something new, the first of which was to cut out sugar from my diet, this was relatively easy for me, except the odd craving for chocolate, so one down on to the next. After a borderline cholesterol result I decided to give up as much saturated fat as I could. This was harder than sweet food for me as one of my instant gratifications is potato crisps! After a bit of label reading in the supermarket I have found bagel crisps are okay if I really need a snack.
My next thing for 30 days was a complete disaster, I decided to buy an Exercycle (luckily, cheaply on Trade me) as I have used it 3 times and I suspect shortly it will be on the road with a ‘free’ sticker on it!
My latest is to buy a bike and go out to ride, this is a very new interest for me and I am only up to day 3, so far I am really enjoying it. I have found the Western Cycle trail to be a great place to ride,  and today I managed 14 km! There is a certain agelessness about biking and I feel like a teenager again as I cycle along, I could say I am in my Element on the bike, but it is a bit early for that on day 3, but watch this space!
We talk about children being curious learners, trying something new, be brave and giving something a go, taking a risk, practicing and like a challenge, have you thought about how these apply in your own life? Are you prepared to give something new a go? Matt finishes his talk by saying, ‘the next 30 days are going to pass whether you like it or not so why not put into action something you have always wanted to try for the next 30 days.’

Darwin Calling

The Darwin Convention Centre

Last week I had the opportunity to present at the ‘Quality Does Matter’ conference in Darwin. organised by the Department of Education and Training.  The topic was the environment as the third teacher, and woven through were to be elements of risk and challenge. Talk about risk and challenge! Here I was away from my comfort areas of ICT and Literacy talking to a group of teachers, with a growth mindset,  I was up for the challenge. I thought I was presenting a workshop but as it transpired, it was the Keynote I had agreed to and I found out on arrival that there would be 300 people at it! I was to be on straight after the Northern Territory’s  Minister of Education and Training, Minister Burns.
The day before the conference I met the team from Child Australia who have a similar role to the ELP team, working with teachers across Western Australia and the Northern Territory. The next day at the keynote I encouraged them all to sit in the front row and be my Whanau support. I was a long way from home and did not have my usual network of friends (my ELP team) supporting me with their encouraging faces in the front row. So the Team from Child Australia became my Whanau for the day and they told me they would be clapping and cheering loudly from the front row. Now there was clapping and there was some cheering at times when particular things I shared resonated with the group of 300, I am not sure if it was my new Whanau in the front row or from the wider audience. It was very much appreciated. I was reminded yet again of the importance of Whanau and how the early childhood community in Aotearoa New Zealand as well as further afield are just like a family.
Carol Dweck says "What children learn best from are slightly difficult takes which they have to struggle through. Knowing they can cope with difficulties is what makes children seek challenges and overcome further problems” Of course we can replace ‘child’ with ‘adult’ as learning never stops and we keep learning through the difficult and challenging tasks we set ourselves. Yes it was a risk but I am so pleased I took up the challenge
Thank you Louise and your team, Dawson and your team for making me feel so very welcome, for giving me the opportunity to share some of the work that is happening in our country.

Ka Kite
Jo

Don't be careful, you'll hurt yourself!!

In recent months risk has been a focus of some of the work of ELP, Wendy reveals a little insight into this work she has been sharing with teachers around NZ.

In a climate of increasing regulation and media hype it is vital that teachers stand back and reflect on the current notions of risk management. These risk averse views can, in the words of Michael Unger, create some very serious longer term problems, “Odd as it may sound, there is a connection between all the security we offer children and why kids behave violently, do drugs, and take risks with their bodies, minds, and spirits.” Take time to read Michael Unger’s book Too Safe for Their Own Good: How Risk and Responsibility Help Teens Thrive, I am sure you will find this a most worthwhile read as both a teacher and a parent in dealing on the day to day level with issues of risk.


Yes, the world is full of risks. Some are good risks and some are bad. Some would say, as indeed Beck does, that the society we now live in is “no longer concerned with attaining something good, but rather than preventing the worse?”. As teachers we need to turn this around in our early childhood settings. Children need to learn from a very young age how to both recognise and respond to risks in their environment. Risks provide a fabulous opportunity to learn. The struggle is important, valuing the struggle is important. It is through struggle and endeavour that we build our skills and experience and strengthen our learning. As Carol Dweck says, “You can see how the belief that cherished qualities can be developed creates a passion for learning... The passion for stretching yourself and sticking to it, even (or especially) when it’s not going well, is the hallmark of the growth mindset. This is the mindset that allows people to thrive during some of the most challenging times in their lives“. Carol Dweck’s book entitled Mindset: The New Psychology of Success is a must read for all teachers. In my opinion every educational setting in the country should purchase this book.


It has the potential to change lives and minds! We as teachers need to consider these ideas in relation to providing opportunities for risk and responsibility. In the words of Gever Tulley "...there are aspects of danger in virtually everything we do, the trick is to learn how mastery actually minimizes danger. Walking is dangerous when we start as babies, but we persevere and it becomes safe. Next we learn to negotiate stairs. Why stop there? Why not practice and become proficient at walking on the roof or walking on a tightrope?” Listen to Gever Tulley on TED.com, I think his lectures would provide a great starting point for a parent or staff discussion group. It is useful to consider the freedom that so many of us had as children as we explored the world beyond our homes. So many of us appear to have brought into the notion that our streets are dangerous. This is not the reality, the most dangerous places for our children are in fact their homes. The statistics show this very conclusively. Many children are no longer experiencing a world of challenge and risk. We are turning a generation of children into ‘bubble wrap children’, we need to work with families to provide environments that are rich in opportunities for children to fail and to go on to pick themselves up and have another go. Giving children opportunities to learn their limits and how to bounce back so that they build resilience and persistence. It is through these pathways that children will strengthen a growth mindset.